toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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