a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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