ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
