I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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