this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
