Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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