don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
