It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
