that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
