i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
