I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
