Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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