Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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