No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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