god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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