john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
ttyl tear gas
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
These tits shall not be calmed