True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.