and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.