I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?