I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
