I'm jealous of your bromance
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
