Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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