She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you would pick up someone in the library
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
