Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
