Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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