Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
