If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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