did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
