i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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