He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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