remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?