Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes