There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.