tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.