Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (37627) Bad night (2050)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love

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  (561): I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love http://tfl.nu/jtcg
  Replies (15) Good night (1394) Bad night (3749)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars

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  (516): Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars http://tfl.nu/6xt5
  Replies (21) Good night (7280) Bad night (1001)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

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  (615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53
  Replies (9) Good night (2948) Bad night (1191)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.

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  (816): Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please. http://tfl.nu/1nwj
  Replies (10) Good night (2927) Bad night (896)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight

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  (713): I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight http://tfl.nu/pekh
  Replies (14) Good night (1969) Bad night (1258)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"

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  (604): Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer," http://tfl.nu/po39
  Replies (6) Good night (2896) Bad night (730)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.

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  (240): This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room. http://tfl.nu/ruma
  Replies (4) Good night (1433) Bad night (575)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.

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  (+44): Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world. (303): Welcome to America. You're gonna love it. http://tfl.nu/yt2w
  Replies (14) Good night (3051) Bad night (614)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question

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  (319): Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question http://tfl.nu/zh3n
  Replies (7) Good night (1486) Bad night (588)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.

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  (973): Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs. http://tfl.nu/4tj9
  Replies (9) Good night (928) Bad night (479)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.

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  (720): I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win. http://tfl.nu/oqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (368)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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  (336): I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can. http://tfl.nu/mx39
  Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (601)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it

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  (478): I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it http://tfl.nu/z8oy
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (200)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager

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  (517): Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager http://tfl.nu/iccu
  Replies (1) Good night (297) Bad night (114)

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