Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
