I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
