meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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