she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
