capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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