I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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