Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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