Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
