im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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