ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
