Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
