im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you never un-have a 4some
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
