i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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