it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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