I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
