Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
