Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
