I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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