um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
