i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
