so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
