I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
