we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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