He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
