I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
