We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
