So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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