Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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