Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
