I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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