i just google imaged poop.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
