can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
