just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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