she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
